Vulnerable
by vagrant mumbler
Summary: This isn't the first time her exceptional trust spills into the bed with them, but Raz doesn't mind. He adores Lili; adores this time he can spend with her, where every shield she puts up during the day comes down and they're the only two people who exist. But Raz is still human, and a teenager. Rated M for smut. Raz and Lili are both 18 !


Raz presses his lips to Lili's pale neck, tasting the excess of the salty wetness from her tears. A callused but light hand caresses her bare shoulder, smoothly running down the length of her arm. He stops at her wrist and moves back up, reassuringly slow.

_Don't cry, _he silently pleads as his hand cups her cheek. He gently plants a kiss on her closed eyelid, lingering a moment as Lili's hand places itself comfortably onto Raz's forearm. The other is resting innocently on his thigh as they both sit folded atop their knees. As though she were a petal, his most precious flower, he switches to her other eye and softly kisses another tear away.

_Please don't cry._ Lili hiccups apologetically, her shut eyes tightening further and producing fresh, crystalline tears. In the back of his mind, Raz almost wishes she would open them because he knows right now they're that lavish kind of beautiful that unfortunately only sadness can grant. Sniffling, she obeys his secret request and only inches away from her lover's face, peers into his lime orbs.

Guilt immediately clouds whatever desire he had before to look at Lili for his own greed. Her eyes are breathtaking in the best and worst ways possible, and it's not fair; he can't help that she's so beautiful. The corners of her mouth tilt upward the tiniest degree. Raz breathes a sigh of relief, though he knows the problem hasn't been resolved, and sweeps the bangs from her forehead.

_It's okay,_ he thinks sweetly, taking back what he thought before. _You can cry if you need to._ At this, Lili's somewhat serene expression crumbles and she buries her broken face into the crook of Raz's neck, wrapping her arms around his torso tightly. As her shoulders shake and she lets herself cry into his neck, tears spilling onto his back, Raz protectively embraces her body. She has a nasty habit of not allowing herself to sob audibly, but Raz's proximity gives him the full extent of the raw wailing inside her head.

Up until now, the only thing separating complete skin-on-skin contact has been Lili's panties and Raz's boxers. More in desperation than in lust, she shifts in his lap just a little and squeezes her legs around his torso. He can feel her softness through her panties and her bare chest against his, and his heart stutters in response.

In a state of emotional distress, the human mind has a way of transposing every tangible thought into an array of color, sound, and ultimately, confusion. Lili's thoughts are more like ideas, and Raz's expertise at interpreting this code can be attributed to his perpetual understanding and will to tear down the barrier around Lili's mind and eventually, her heart.

This isn't the first time her exceptional trust spills into the bed with them, but Raz doesn't mind. He adores Lili; adores this time he can spend with her, where every shield she puts up during the day comes down and they're the only two people who exist. But Raz is still human, and a teenager. His lover's soft body against him starts a chain reaction of pooling heat in his boxers and hitched breathing, and he can't help his arousal.

Without meaning to and almost in the back of his mind, he thinks, _Can we…?_

Lili never objects, not even in the very core of her subconscious. Even before, when Raz tried to talk her out of it the first time they were together, her entire body begged and screamed nothing but consent. It holds true now; she never wants anything more than to be so close to Raz, they can hear each other's innermost thoughts. These particular thoughts are structured less like words and sentences, and more like feelings and colors that take a second look to understand. Psychonauts, over time, have found out that these mysteries can only be discovered and shared through the bond of vulnerable intimacy.

Raz is the only person Lili's ever trusted with these secrets, and Raz holds that honor close to his heart as a hand travels down to the small of her back, over her hip, and stops at the tiny pink bow at the top of her panties.

Raz gulps, his teeth gently biting at the inside of cheek. _It's okay?_

Without answering, even mentally, she raises herself on her knees in front of Raz. His finger hooks at the top of the cloth and travels up with her, but he waits for her complete reaction. Her warm stomach presses against his chest and her supple breasts nearly tempt him, but his eyes don't leave hers. She cups his jawline, rubs her thumb against the scruffy facial hair she watched him grow, and kisses his forehead. For what feels like the first time since he led her to the bed, a coherent thought reaches him.

_I need you, Raz._

She bends down slightly and kisses him deeply, her long, ruby-kissed hair spilling over her shoulders. The scent of cinnamon and apples assault Raz's nose.

_I want you._

His hands press against her back, pushing her closer. He breaks the kiss so that he can run his lips over her collarbone, peppering her with butterfly kisses. Lili intertwines her fingers at the base of Raz's neck, hiding her face in his hair. He smells soapy and leathery, even though he doesn't often don his favorite cap anymore, and the scent triggers a few more tears.

She whimpers as his mouth caresses a pink bud before warmly closing around it, moving with her as she curls her back over him. Strong hands glide across her glorious curvy hips and cup around her thighs, just below her underwear. He tucks his thumbs up into the fabric and gently runs the pads of his thumbs along the skin over her hipbones, taunting her.

The quiet murmurs she makes, both inside and outside her head, aren't doing his erection any favors. His mouth moves down below her rib cage to the soft flesh of her belly, nose pressed into her abdomen as his tongue gently laps at her stomach. Lili smells especially sweet here.

_Raz…!_

Her body jerks momentarily as a single sob rips through her, but Raz doesn't stop his administrations. It's her turn to feel guilty, as her lover is the one doing all the work and she believes she's done nothing for him. That simply isn't true, and Raz quickly takes the opportunity to shift their weight and capture her lips with his.

One of his hands cups around her calf under her knee and forces it up as he looms over her, pushing her back onto the bed. Instinctively, she corrects her other leg and lets him sit between her. She doesn't recline completely back, but instead her shoulder blades touch the headboard and her lower back rests comfortably on an abundance of pillows. Knees bent, her hips shift in anticipation.

He affectionately sweeps her bangs away from her face once more and kisses her forehead. His eyes gaze into hers in a sultry stare and for the first time, he speaks aloud.

"Let me take care of you," he whispers, lips barely brushing against hers. _I love you_, he silently amends as he kisses the soft line of her jaw. _I love you._

Each kiss down her torso has the same loving anecdote. _I love you, I love you, _all the way to the fabric of her panties, which he kisses especially tenderly. Her legs start to close out of embarrassment, her face tinting a soft pink. She doesn't hide herself completely, trying not to let the instinct of modesty that comes with vulnerability overtake her, but she does turn her face and close her eyes.

_Oh, Raz…_

His tongue presses into the fabric. Lili's back arches as he slowly licks and kisses her through her underwear, dampening it. He knows exactly what to do as Lili goes over what's happening in her mind. Raz is an expert Lili-reader; he can gauge exactly how fast to go and what she wants next exactly as she thinks it. She has the exact same talent with him and has had her fair share of control over his body, but Raz makes sure tonight is all about her despite his own lust.

Two fingers gently pull the fabric to the side and reveal her wet heat, which he gladly plunges into. Lili keens quietly, a knuckle pressed to her mouth. She hates to be vocal, but the requests in her thoughts tell Raz everything.

_Please, right there; don't stop, go slower. Kiss me again, oh, god, Raz—!_

He does everything she asks of him, no matter how indirectly. The air of modesty and uncharacteristic innocence surrounding her, even though this isn't their first time, only serves to tighten his boxers further. How can someone as experienced as he knows she is, be so…adorable when they make love? But the answer is simple. To Raz, she just is.

She silently asks him not to torture himself.

He stops only for a moment, taken by surprise and unsure of what she means. "Huh…?"

She speaks quietly in a creamy-smooth timbre. "I want it too, you know." Shyly, she stares at a wall and pinches a tendril of her long hair between her fingers, cheeks reddening. Her eyes are still a pale, skin-colored type of red from crying, but she seems to have calmed down enough to think in words again and make meek requests.

Raz pushes himself up and scoops his arms under Lili, letting his face hang only a couple inches above her. After a minute, her glossy eyes stare up at him. His eyelids droop lustfully as he asks, "Is it alright?" She gives a tiny nod, Raz's warm breath sweeping across her cheek. "Are _you _alright?" he adds, and her answer isn't so quick. She thinks so…but her core thoughts don't lie, and her silence tells all.

Raz knew it was possible, but he believes her when she says she thinks so. The conversation moves internally again as she turns over her emotions in her head for him. She's certainly better than before, calm enough now to run her hands down Raz's sides and play with the edge of his constricting boxers; calm enough to kiss him back when he drinks her in; okay enough to help him pull down the interfering clothing as he does the same with her undies.

For a moment as he hunches over her, he looks away from her face and down at his eager arousal so that he can properly adjust himself into her. Lili moans and her nails press little crescents into his back as he fills her slowly, back arching in an attempt to curb the craving for direct contact. Despite the reciprocated desire, he doesn't let himself constrict her on the bed. He doesn't want her to be uncomfortable, but she stops him before he can rationalize withholding himself further.

_I don't mind if you lay on me. I want you close. I want to be out of breath, with you on top of me. I want all of it; I don't mind._

He swallows the lump in his throat, and trusting that she's sure of what she wants, lowers himself. Relief floods him and he appreciates and accepts the offer, as it's much more comfortable and satisfying this way. He can feel the momentum of her breasts as he dips into her; he can directly feel every minor shift and arch in her body; and more importantly, he can hear each tiny whimper and gentle cry she allows herself to make.

_Lili…_

Even in his head, he sounds so passionate and loving. Her shoulder in his mouth, he picks up the tempo and awaits her response. Lili's legs tighten, toes curling into the sheets beneath them. Raz's weight on top of her feels so good, so right, like he was always supposed to fit there. His head fits perfectly into the crook of her neck; his hands were made for the small of her back; his thighs were meant to part hers.

_Ahn, Raz! _she whines internally. _Ah; oh my god!_ Each thrust forces Lili's nails deeper into his skin, and though they aren't sharp enough to break the surface, they do leave red marks as they drag across his shoulder blades. Raz knows exactly what spot to hit and when to hit it, and he knows when to back down and let her recoup. And he knows exactly how long to wait before dipping back in just right and driving her crazy.

_Does it feel good?_ he asks._ Do you like it?_ He moves his lips to the hot flesh of her red cheek.

"Mhm!" she replies audibly, giving a short nod. _Really good; you're so good._

With that, he slows himself and pulls out a little further than before so that he can pulse into her more dramatically. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Lili kisses him tenderly for a moment before Raz deepens it and drinks her in. A quiet blend of both their thoughts bleed into each other's heads.

_Oh, I love you; you're so soft; it feels so good; so warm; I can read you like a book; you're so cute; my god, you're so amazing; right there; tell me how much you like it; I love it, I love it, I love you so much. Raz, Raz—! Ah, I'm gonna—!_

Lili breaks the kiss and, their foreheads and noses touching, arches her back one last time. Wailing the loudest she's done all night, Lili rides out her peak and grinds roughly against Raz. This is his favorite part, because her mind goes blank for a few precious seconds in a state of untainted ecstasy, and it's truly a curious thing to witness. Even he can sense the brief floating, white hot feeling she gets and it isn't long before he gets there, too.

Slick with sweat, he collapses on top of her and breathes heavily. He rests his head in the valley of her breasts, comforted by the quickened beating of her heart, and laces his arms around her waist. Lili drags her fingers through his hair and scratches him behind the ear. She plays with his messy, violet hair, gently mussing it further out of its usual neat and sleek style. In return, Raz playfully pinches a pink bud mere inches from his face, which Lili protests with a sharp, "Raz!"

They both giggle as they settle into the pillows on the bed, appreciating the cool atmosphere of the room after warming each other up. Raz looks up at Lili, resting his mouth against her skin as he stares up into her serene face. Her hazel eyes are closed, a look of content shaping her expression as she happily busies her hands with Raz's hair. Although he's happy that she seems to feel good now, he can't help but worry about how she felt before. He has no way to verbalize these thoughts, so he gives Lili a moment to inevitably assess his inquiry.

The smile leaves her face, but no frown replaces it. "I'm okay." She looks at Raz genuinely, her neutral expression truthful. Raz asks anyway.

"Are you sure?" His breath tickles her chest.

"Yeah," she says, sweeping her hand through his bedhead. "I'm sorry I can be so…" Raz could hear the process of elimination of words she wanted to use, but didn't. Though it wasn't like Raz didn't know exactly what she thought of herself, he politely let her choose her own sentiment. "Difficult, sometimes. I didn't want t—"

"It's okay," Raz interrupts softly. "You don't have to explain yourself to me." _I still love you. Always will._ He plants a kiss right over her breastbone and rests his head against her again.

Lili smiles. _I love you, too._ She cuddles her hands and arms around him, her legs unevenly wrapped around his. Honestly, she couldn't be happier than she was right now.

And while Raz might not always be able to change her mind, it didn't mean he couldn't be right there with her, offering another perspective of the most amazing girl he knew.


End file.
